


Dancing with The Diamonds

by Tangerine_Catnip



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: 18-year-old Steven, Abandonment Issues, Anger Management, Anxiety Disorder, Diamond mom squad, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Homeworld (Steven Universe), Interspecies Romance, Mood Swings, Mutual Pining, Past Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-18 17:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20642705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tangerine_Catnip/pseuds/Tangerine_Catnip
Summary: It’s been 4 years since the last Diamond Ball, and 6004 years since the last Diamond Ball that didn’t end in a massive disaster. Spinel is eager to take on the challenge of planning the next one, even if it means being directly compared toHer.Steven knows what that feels like and he wants to be there for her like his friends were there for him. Ideally, without the whole ‘being thrown in gem jail’ part this time.There may not be any ‘Happily Eva Aftas' but with hard work and some patience, there will always be happily ever 'Right nows'.





	1. We Don't Have to Dance

Steven stared down at the empty black screen on his smartphone. There was no sign of an incoming call, but he could still hear his ringtone bleeping away. He put it in the left pocket of his jacket and reached over to his right one to retrieve his highly advanced intergalactic communicator; which just happened to look exactly like a smartphone.

Steven knew he’d save himself a lot of time in the long run if he just gave his gem phone and his earth phone different ringtones, but the idea of them being out of sync made him weirdly uncomfortable.

He tapped the screen to open the incoming communication request from Homeworld. It was being transmitted on the Diamond line but didn’t have a corresponding colour to let him know which Diamond it was. That meant it was either a technical malfunction, or the call was coming from another device with Pink level clearance. Given how seriously the Peridots in central coms took their jobs, Steven highly doubted it was the former.

He placed his PlayStation controller down on the floor, leaving the Loan Wanderer extra lonely for a few minutes while he hopped the stairs up to his Diamond base. He preferred to take his calls there ever since he’d unthinkingly picked up a com from Yellow while he was hanging up his laundry. She’d almost poofed herself laughing when he explained what his underwear was for, and that was a special kind of embarrassment he wasn’t keen on reliving.

Steven stopped in front of his control panel and pulled up the holographic screen. He examined his reflection, double-checking he didn’t have toothpaste on his cheek or something in his hair. The Steven looking back at him was tinted pink by the screen, reminding him of someone.

_‘Long time no see, pink me’_ he thought_. ‘As nice as it is to see you, I like it better when you stay right where you belong.’_ He patted his gem, then his chest. Human heart, gem heart, and all the stuff in between.

Steven tapped the screen and opened the video and audio coms. He was greeted with a large empty room. The walls were tinted a deep fuchsia and decorated with stars, constellations, and planets. Pink bubbles drifted about lazily overhead, and sheer floor-to-ceiling curtains hung over the entrance to a large balcony.

“Spinel, I know it’s you...” Steven called, his voice echoing back to him as it bounced against walls millions of lightyears away from the planet he was born on. 

Steven waited for a moment, crossing his arms over his chest. He knew she wouldn’t concede on the first attempt. It was all a part of the game.

He sighed, feigning more annoyance than he felt.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

Steven thought he saw one of the rose bushes near the window quiver a bit. There wasn’t exactly a ton of places for a human-sized gem to hide in a palace made to accommodate skyscraper-sized ones. Then again, this was Spinel, whom depending on what metrics you were using, could be reclassified as a liquid.

“Olly, Olly, oxen-free?”

He for-sure heard a giggle that time. Closer to the monitor that he would have guessed. Up was about as likely as under. Gravity also seemed to have utterly given up on her thousands of years ago.

“Alright, Spinel, you win,” Steven conceded. He covered his eyes with his hands and counted backwards.

“3… 2… 1…”

He dropped his hands to find a massive rosy eye staring back at him from the screen. A few years ago, he probably would have jolted away, but he’d eventually learned how to brace himself when dealing with ‘Your New Best Friend; Spinel~!’.

“Peekaboo, I got you!” Spinel enthused. She poked the camera lens with her finger, briefly making everything go black.

“Spinel, you’re leaning to close to the screen again,” Steven reminded her.

“Oh! Right!” 

Spinel stepped back and stumbled into a chair that popped up out of the floor to meet her. She blinked and looked around at the tiny gems who had made it appear for her. The Pebbles slipped out from their hidden tunnels and started gathering on the armrests. 

“Oof, thanks, Pebbles!”

Spinel held out her hands and several Pebbles hopped into them. More jumped down into her lap and in a moment, Spinel had a dozen of them climbing on her. There was even one swinging off her right pigtail. She giggled and held out the fingers of one hand, stretching them out and lining them up like monkey bars for the Pebbles to climb across.

A few Pebbles waved to him and a quiet murmur of “Steve!” passed through the group and the Pebbles settled down to watch him through the screen.

“I’m glad to see you’re all getting along so well,” Steven said. The Pebbles had been one of the biggest reasons he had encouraged Spinel to take Pink Diamonds old room. Even with the sweeping reforms he had encouraged, a lot of Gems would find it challenging to think about the feelings of beings as tiny as the Pebbles. Spinel knew first-hand what it felt like to be treated as part of the furniture, so she never forgot about them.

“Well, duh! The Pebbles are my wittle-bittle best buddies! Aren’t you guys?”

The Pebbles replied with a collective cheer and chants of. “Spin, Spin, Spin, Spin!”

Spinel’s smile softened, smaller but more genuine, her eyes sparkling.

“Ehehehe, If I could hug you all at once, I would! and I will! because I totally can!”

Spinel stretched out her pinky finger and wrapped it gently around the middle of all the Pebbles in her lap, giving them all a soft squeeze.

“So, what’s up?” Steven asked.

Spinel scooted back in her seat and sat up straight.

“Ready, Pebbles?”

The Pebbles began to sing, harmonising a wordless tune, Spinel joined in, providing the primary vocals.

“We cordially invite yo-”

Halfway through the first line, Spinel cut herself off. The Pebbles went on for a moment longer before stopping to look up at her.

“Sorry...” Spinel muttered. Her pigtails drooping. “I had this whole song I was singing to give invitations, but it doesn’t feel right with you.”

Steven shrugged. “it’s okay, you can just tell me. What am I invited too?”

“I uh… I’m planning a ball.” 

“That’s great!

“Really?! So, you’re not upset?”

“No? wh-”

Steven blinked a few times, letting his empathy catch up with his train of thought. 

“Because planning balls used to be mom’s thing...” He snorted and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, Spinel. Last time I hosted a Diamond ball I got half the crystal gems poofed and Connie and I thrown in gem prison.”

The more Steven thought about the idea, the more he liked it. Changing an event meant to reinforce the class structure of Homeworld into a celebration of **all** Gem kind would be a great sign of progress. 

“I’m sure you’ll do an amazing job. I can’t think of anyone more qualified to take over.”

“Aw, shucks...” Spinel mumbled, a pink blush blooming on her cheeks. 

“Did mom ever ask you to help her with a ball before?” Steven asked.

“Aha, she did. Sort of. I gave her a few ideas… but the things I came up with mustn’t have been very good, because She didn’t come back to visit for a while and she didn’t want to talk about it.”

Steven rested his chin on his hand and tapped his lips thoughtfully. 

“Did one of your ideas involve cannons that fire confetti?

“Yes?! How did you guess?”

“Little hunch. I think that idea was a bit ahead of its time, but Homeworld is totally ready for it now.”

Spinel bounced in her seat. She’d been sitting still for almost five minutes which had to be nearing a record.

“So that means you’re coming?” Spinel asked.

“Uh… when is it?”

“E3-9-8-5-1.”

Steven narrowed his eyes, trying to do the conversion math in his head. He’d never really gotten a handle on Gem dates.

Spinel shifted to the edge of her seat, quite literally teetering on it while the Pebbles looked on with evident concern.

It was next week, maybe Tuesday or Monday? Steven hated to keep her waiting, and he usually didn’t have any firm commitments anyway.

“Sure, I’d love to.”

“Really! That’s great! Really, Really, grate!”

Spinel slumped back, her pigtails shortening and proportions falling back into their usual alignment. Every part of her body seemed to be an extension of her emotions. It reminded Steven of the human saying, “wearing your heart on your sleeve” only hers was on her chest.

“Are you gonna be alright?” Steven asked. He wasn’t sure, but it seemed like Spinel was holding back tears. “Looks like you're having some trouble holding it together over there.”

“Yeah! Yeah!” Spinel replied, rubbing at the corners of her eyes. “I’m just relieved. I didn’t wanna pressure yuh, so I wasn’t gonna menshun it, but uh…” Spinel nervously fidgeted her fingers in her lap. Steven firmly kept his eyes above chest level in a bid to keep his sanity. 

“Weee ackshully can’t have a Diamond ball without alla the Diamonds,” Spinel admitted. 

“Oh, yeah. I guess you can’t.”

Steven held his chin, mulling it over. As much as he wanted more royal obligations, he really didn’t.

“We could change the name. ‘The Spinel Ball’ has a ring to it. Then you could host one wherever and whenever you like.”

Spinel balked at him through the video feed.

“Yuh want to name it after… _me_?”

She pressed a hand over her gem and Steven got the sense she was verging back toward crying again. Even if they were happy tears, Steven still wished he didn’t have that effect. 

“Sure! You’re the one who’s making it all happen.”

“But if Gems aren’t comin’ tuh see the Diamonds, then why would they?”

“Because they want to have fun? That’s what your best at; making everyone smile.”

Steven gave her a wide-toothed grin to help make his point. Spinel stared back at him; eyes wide, pink irises almost crowded out by dark pupils.

Steven had a sudden flash of laying flat on his back in the grass, with Spinel looming over him, only the murderous glare in her eyes was replaced by the look she was giving him right now. Steven swallowed. He could feel the goosebumps rising on his arms even though he was perfectly warm… maybe even a bit too warm. 

“Steven!”

He turned at the sound of Greg calling his name. The sudden jolt pulling him back to reality. 

“Whoops, I forgot dad had the barbecue on. I’ve really got to run before Amethyst eats my share.”

Spinel blinked, apparently getting back her own grip on the situation.

“But I still need to know how many guests yuh wanna bring with you.”

“Shoot, uh... I’ll need to ask around. Can I call you back tomorrow?”

“yeah, sure.”

“Awesome! Bye!”

“Bye!”

* * *

The screen went blank, and Spinel gave her head a shake, momentarily turning it into a blur.

“I think that went well. That went well, Right?” She asked the Pebbles. They looked at one another, then back to her. Spinel sighed and reached over to the console. She pulled up her guest list and crossed off Steven Universe. His name had a little pink diamond hovering beside it. He was near the top of the list but the last to be checked off.

Until this moment, the prospect that she would have to cancel the whole thing when Steven turned her down had always been lingering in the back of her mind. At some points, it had seemed like an inevitability. Why would Steven want to come to a ball she arranged? He’d only just finished cleaning up the massive mess she had made of his planet.

But that was Steven for you, always the forgiving one. He’d even said all that lovely stuff about her.

“The Spinel ball… Or hows about; The Spinel Spectacular.”

Spinel laughed and rolled her eyes. That wouldn’t work. This was meant to be a grand event, something to inspire Gems across the galaxy. Not a pity party for everyone’s least favourite joke.

An incoming call flashed on her terminal. Spinel tapped it, and the video feed opened. A peridot was on the other end, one of the members of her event committee.

“Hey, Spinel! Coms told me you’re all finished with the invitations!”

“Yup! It looks like we’re going ahead with everything.”

“Excellent! I just finished assembling those colourful paper projectile launchers you asked for. We’re giving them a dry run on test level E380, if you want to come.”

“Would I ever! I’ll be right there!”

Spinel jumped up, twisting her arms around to catch any Pebbles she sent flying then set them down carefully.

“Got to run! Love ya’ guys!” she shouted over her shoulder as she barreled out the door into the palace hallway.

* * *

The moment the warp pad started shimmering, it caught Spinel’s attention. She knew that the galaxy warp in the throne room was on a closed circuit and only linked up two destinations, but part of her was still flabbergasted when Steven materialised and hopped gracefully down onto the polished stone floor. He was wearing his usual jacket and sandals and had what looked like a jumbo plush hotdog slung over one shoulder. 

He spun around slowly, examining the decorations that she and the planning committee were in the middle of putting up.

He looked up at the garlands of white, yellow, blue and pink flowers that were hung from the crystal formations in the ceiling, following them until they met in the middle around a huge chandelier bearing fractured pieces of tinted glass in every shade of the rainbow. Then, he turned to the tables dotted around the dance floor at the decorative ribbons tied around the chairs and the crystal sculptures of various cuts of gems.

Then his gaze fell on her, and Steven smiled and waved. Spinel thought she had been in the middle of a sentence a second ago, but she’d completely forgotten what they were even talking about. She half ran, half skipped over to Steven, her first instinct was to jump and tackle him to the floor, but she managed to reign herself in, stopping a foot away. 

“Spinel! The throne room looks amazing!” Steven enthused.

He stepped forward and threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in for a sideways hug.

“Aww, well… We’re not really done yet. It’s gonna be even better when we’re finished.”

A pearl with ash-coloured skin, an ebony shoulder gem, and long straight hair trotted over to them, clutching her mobile computing unit to her chest. She was followed closely by her peridot co-member.

“Pink Diamond!” Pearl planted her back foot, bowed deeply, and flashed up a perfect Diamond salute.

“Hello, nice to meet you!” Steven replied. “Pink Diamond is just my title. You can call me Steven. What’s your name?”

Pearl nervously tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m just a Pearl, P- Steven Dimond.”

Steven flashed her a reassuring smile. “Hey, this is era 3. No one is ‘just’ a pearl.”

Black pearl flushed the colour of the night sky and stared down at the floor. Steven turned to the peridot, inadvertently pulling Spinel closer in the process.

“And you’re peridot?” 

“Peridot Facet-537, Cut- N014, but my friends call me Peri-Noia. Noia for short.”

“Nice, I like it!” 

“Likewise, S-man! Duces?”

Noia offered Steven a fist bump, and he gladly accepted. Noia was a member of a group of Gems semi-affectionately called, ‘Earthers’, who were just a little bit too obsessed with human culture. Spinel had fallen in with her when Noia had followed her around for four days straight pestering her about what the planet was really like.

Noia never asked about the whole bio-poison thing, and in return Spinel didn’t question why Noia didn’t just move to earth if she liked it that much. 

Now that introductions were over, Spinel begrudgingly slipped out from under Steven’s arm. 

“Steven, what are yhu even doing here? The ball isn’t for another two days. Did’ga go and get your dates messed up?”

Spinel forced a laugh. She’d been hoping to impress and having Steven walk in on everything half-finished hadn’t been part of that plan.

“No. Well, yes, kinda…” Steven admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “See the thing is… I might have accidentally double-booked myself.”

“Oh…” Spinel clamped down on every part of her body to an effort to hide her disappointment.

She was fine. She was **just** **fine**. She’d just have to tell The Diamonds she’d failed them, tear down all the decorations, ruin Noia’s and Peral’s hard work, and learn to live with the crushing disappointment of everyone who’d ever believed in her.

Steven’s voice cut in on her thoughts and Spinel snapped back to focus on him.

“Hold on. Just Let me finish explaining, okay?”

Steven held both his hands up placatingly. Spinel swallowed and gave him a little nod.

“The date mix-up was totally my bad. I should have realised that you’d planned to have the ball on the Era 3 anniversary, but it just didn’t click until I asked around. Back on earth, we call it Liberation Day, and we celebrate by getting all the Crystal Gems together and dancing and eating burgers and symbolically breaking the chains of our oppressors. Y’know, stuff like that.”

Steven rested his hand on Spinel’s shoulder. She braced herself, expecting the worst. 

“but then I had an awesome idea. What if Instead of having two separate parties, we have one big one?”

Spinel looked at Steven out of the corner of her eye.

“And hows dat gonna work, exactly?” 

“First, we put a huge screen right… there!” Steven spun around and gestured with both hands at the long wall between the thrones and the grand entryway. “Then everyone on earth can see everyone on Homeword and vice versa! Then we reprogram the galaxy warp to link up with Little Homeworld so people and gems can swap sides whenever they like!” 

“Hmmm, interesting proposition,” Noia mused, steepling her fingers over her mouth. “Reducing the latency across such a far distance while preserving an acceptable resolution could be very challenging, but if we prioritise the data on diamond only lines… yeah. I could do that.”

“Awesome!” Steven enthused, giving her a thumbs up. 

“I’ll need an updated guest list,” Pearl murmured. Clutching her tablet to her chest. “No one should feel left out, no matter what side they’re on.”

Steven turned back to Spinel and beamed at her. “What do you think?”

“It’s a lot to change at the last minute...”

“Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry about that, but that’s also why I’m here. I thought I’d make it up to you by coming to help.”

Spinel’s mouth fell open. “Yh-you came for me?”

“Of course! And I’ve got a few surprises too.”

Steven took Spinel’s hand and led her over to the throne room entrance. Spinel glanced back at Noia and Pearl. Pearl was clasping both her hands over her chest tightly, and Noia was sticking out her tongue and performing a weird hand gesture involving one of her fingers going into a hole she made with her other hand. 

It was probably another human thing. That Gem spent way too much time on earth internet for her own good. 

Spinel picked up her pace to stay beside Steven. 

After a few hallways, Spinel realised they were heading to her room. She frantically tried to remember if she had left anything on the floor. Probably not, since the Pebbles tried to organise everything that wasn’t nailed down, but it would be just her luck if it were a mess for the first time in a millennium. 

Steven paused at the door. “Do you mind if I go in?”

Spinel shook her head, and Steven pressed his hand to the gem reader. The Pink Diamond chime echoed around the hallway as it popped open. Steven let go of her hand, and Spinel suddenly found herself standing outside the door all on her own.

It felt like whenever she started to feel even a little bit less like an imposter, something like this would happen to put her back in her place. Spinel might live in the palace, but the doors never chimed for her.

Steven stopped in the middle of the room and called out, “Pebbles! I’m back!”

Tiny doors popped open right under his feet, and a wave of small grey gems poured out to greet him. A few jumped onto his feet and tried to climb up the side of his jeans. Steven laughed and kneeled down to their level, offering up his arms for dozens of tiny hugs.

“Aww, did you guys miss me?” 

Steven slid the hotdog’s strap off his shoulder and carefully placed it on the floor next to him.

“Listen, I was hoping you could help me out with something.”

Steven gathered the Pebbles in close and lowered his voice, whispering to them. Spinel took a few quick steps forward, but Steven had already finished explaining by the time she caught up. 

He sat back on his heels and grabbed the hotdog, unzipping it and dumping out what was inside. Spinel leaned over to try to see what it was, but even after stretching an extra five feet, it still just looked like a pile of black, pink and white blobs.

“Can you do it?” Steven asked. 

“Mmhmm!” the Pebbles replied in unison, already tugging the stuff Steven had given them back into their hidden spaces beneath the floor. 

“Thanks so much! You guys are the best.” 

Steven got to his feet. Spinel hurriedly shifted back into proportion before he caught her peaking.

“Is this the kind of surprise where I needa close my eyes?” She joked.

“Not just yet. The Pebbles work best when you don’t rush them,” Steven explained. His hotdog looked mostly deflated now, but he was still riffling about inside of it. “But in the meantime, I also brought these.”

Steven passed her a small plastic packet with big, bold human letters on the front. Spinel opened it and shook a few of the colorful things into her hand. 

“How thoughtful! You brought me some colorful flat rubber.” 

“They’re balloons,” Steven clarified. “You’re supposed to blow them up with air.” He took a shiny gold one and held the weird long tube bit to his lips. Spinel cocked her head to the side, watching as Steven put lungful after lungful into the balloon. Just when she was starting to worry he was going to run out of all the ‘air’ stuff he needed, Steven pinched the spout thing and tied it around itself in a tight knot.

He gave the blown-up balloon a soft tap, and it gently floated over to Spinel. She reached out and batted it up toward the ceiling, watching as it hit the top of its arc and floated back down. 

“huh… It’s like a bubble?” 

“Basically.” Steven agreed as he caught the balloon. “but they’re also…” he pinched the knotted end between his fingers and pulled the bulb part back until the neck bit was strained to its limit. He let go of both ends at once and the balloon shot up into the air like it was fired from a slingshot. “stretchy.” 

Spinel extended her arm out and caught it mid-flight. 

“And you can fill them with helium, so they stay up,” Steven finished with a shrug. “it’s fine if they don’t really work with the other decorations, but I wanted to have them when I was planning the last Diamond Ball, so I thought maybe it was worth a shot?” 

Spinel was still listening, but her eyes were focused on her upside-down reflection in the balloon as she bounced it on a single finger.

“Nha. I like ‘um.”

Spinel heard Steven blowing up another, but she still startled when a giant, pink, heart-shaped balloon knocked the gold one aside. She grabbed it with both hands, the rubber squeaking under her fingertips. 

She looked over to see Steven flash her a smirk and a wink. “A bouncy, stretchy heart, for a bouncy stretchy sweetheart.”

Spinel giggled and focused back on the balloon. She was used to feeling a warm fuzzy feeling when she made people smile, but Steven’s little smirk turned warm and fuzzy into hot and tingly. The worst part was that she didn’t know how to keep this going. One good joke usually led into the next, but whatever this game was, she’d never been taught the rules.

The feeling was great, though. Good enough she would have killed for it had it not been literally the least likely thing to get her more of it.

Maybe she could just ask Steven to teach her. That wouldn’t be so hard, would it? She’d just have to swallow what was left of her pride, find some way to put this feeling into words without sounding stupid, and risk jeopardising a friendship that was still growing despite her quite literally salting and burning the earth. 

Yeah. That wasn’t happening. Not for all the jellybeans in Candyland.

“Hey, Spinel,”

Spinel let the balloon fall into her lap and sat up. Steven was holding a blue balloon in one hand and a black pen in the other. He’d drawn a face on it, one hiding behind a cowl and possessing sizable dark circles under her mournful eyes. 

“Remind you of anyone?” 

He held it in front of his face and wiggled it around, putting on a high-pitched melodramatic wail.

“You caaaaaaannot faaaaathom how much I've moooourned, what thooooooousands of years of grief has dooooone to meeeee!” 

Spinel cracked up. “What?! Blue never said anything like that, did she?” 

“You’d be surprised, they’ve gotten a lot better now they aren’t bottling up their emotions.”

Steven picked a yellow balloon out from the pile and offered it to her along with his black marker.

Feeling like she was standing on much firmer ground now, Spinel took both. Sticking her tongue between her teeth to help concentrate, Spinel sketched out a rough caricature of Yellow on the balloon. She set Yellow’s lips in an unimpressed frown and drew in an outline of where her hair should be. She held it up to show Steven, adopting a stiff, imperious tone.

“Ho Ho, that’s such a goofy handstand, Spinel. I’m so painfully serious that I’ll laugh at anything, even when you aren’t trying!”

Steven snickered and nodded his agreement. “That’s Yellow, alright. I still don’t know why she can’t get over the fact that octopus are real.”

“What’s an octopus?”

“It’s an animal with a big squishy head and 8 tentacle arms,” Steven explained, gesturing in the air to illustrate the head and the multitude of arms. 

Spinel didn’t know what he expected her to picture but what she was imagining was frikken hilarious. She started to snicker, and Steven pulled a big cute pout over it. 

“Come on, don’t you start! They’re great! They can solve puzzles and get through tiny spaces and change colour to let other octopuses know they love them.”

None of that made Spinel reconsider her opinion on octopi, but seeing Steven get riled up? That was something Spinel could get used to. She wanted to poke and prod him some more. Rub him right up the wrong way until he was so _frustrated_, he couldn’t see straight, then make him feel good again. So good the only word he’d be able to remember was **her name.**

_‘I could tell you I love you without needing to change colour. I could fit in any space, bend and twist whichever way you want,_ _ all you need to do is **ask**._ _’ _

Oblivious to the new path her thoughts were spiralling down, Steven took the marker back and set to work on the last balloon. Taking his time around the mouth to draw in the tiny Diamonds on the bottom lip. The face he held up looked like White, but her expression was completely vacant. If it hadn’t been drawn on a bulbous rubber surface, it would have been downright creepy. 

“I’m White Diamond and I think I’m flawless because I’m every colour of the light! I locked myself in my own head for thousands of years because I couldn’t let anyone know I have feelings!”

The floor underneath Spinel rumbled slightly. The dainty click-clack of heels rendered monstrous by the heals in question being four times the height of most gems.

“Uh-” Spinel begin. “-oh,” Steven finished

Steven grabbed the three balloons and shoved them underneath his coat. He tried to zip it closed over them but got caught halfway up. 

“Spiiiiiiiiinel~” White Diamond called. “Do you mind if we come in?” 

White was technically asking a question, but Spinel and Steven knew that she wouldn’t wait for a response. 

Steven tugged hard on his zipper, but it didn’t budge an inch. 

“Yuh’re just makin' it worse,” Spinel hissed, her voice dropping into a low growl as she ordered him to “Stop squirmin'!”

She threw herself at him, pinning Steven down flat against the cheery blossom floor. She shoved a hand under the hem of his jacket, tugging free the part of his shirt that’d gotten stuck in the metallic teeth. At that point, Spinel expected Steven to push her off or try to wiggle free, but instead, he did exactly what she had told him; stopped squirming so she could finish pulling his zipper all the way up.

They weren’t fighting, not even wrestling really, but Spinel was still dismayed by how easily he gave in. The last time they had clashed, he had fought tooth and nail to defend himself. Well, right up until that bit at the end when he had willingly lowered his shield.

He was so trusting, even when she hadn’t done anything to earn it besides not try to kill him in recent memory. Call it dumb, call it naïve. It still made her sick, but… in a good way? Like all the butterflies from the garden had been resurrected and taken up residence in her abdomen. 

Three harmonious chimes accompanied the Diamonds as they swept into the room.

“Hello, Dearheart!” White intoned. Her long cape billowing out around her as she dropped down onto her knees. “We just thought we’d stop by to see how you were-”

White stared down at the pair of them. Spinel shifted awkwardly under her scrutiny. Whatever she was sitting on was oddly warm and squishy though. So that was nice at least. 

“Steven?” Blue Diamond asked, stopping just inside the door and covering her mouth with one hand. 

“Spinel?” Yellow Diamond added as she leaned around White to see what the fuss was about. 

“Uhhhh… Hi Blue, hi Yellow, hi White,” Steven greeted them.

Steven waved to them, and the Diamonds stared back, while Spinel swivelled her head between the three of them and Steven and… the lower half of Steven, wich she was currently straddling. 

“Stars! We forgot to knock!” Blue realised. 

“Should we come back later?” Yellow asked.

“No! No!” Spinel blurted out as she hopped off Steven and onto her feet. “I was just helping Steven with his-” 

Spinel managed to put a fair distance between her and Steven rather quickly, but not all her body had come with her. She followed the length of her arm as it looped and snaked across the floor until she found the missing hand still shoved underneath his clothing. 

“-Jacket.”

Spinel laughed nervously, reeling in her arrant appendage and tucking both hands firmly behind her back.

“Oh, how precious,” Blue Diamond mused. 

“Ahem.” White Diamond cleared her throat. Ignoring the slight tinge of pink in her cheeks. “Steven! Spinel told us you were coming for the ball, but we didn’t expect to see you so early.”

Steven started to sit up. The balloons under his jacket protesting with a dangerous sounding squeak. He thought better of it and flopped back down.

“I came to see if I could help Spinel. It’s her first time planning a ball after all.”

“That’s simply marvellous!” White enthused. “The way things are shaping up; this is bound to be an event talked about for centuries!”

Blue Dimond sniffled softly, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. 

“Blue, is something wrong?” Yellow asked, walking over to rest a hand on her shoulder.

“No, I’m fine. It’s a wonderful idea. Pink’s best friend and her precious son working together to plan a party for us, just like she used to?”

“Hush... I know. We’re all so very proud,” Yellow murmured rubbing Blue Dimond’s shoulders as she smiled at the pair of them.

Ignoring the spectacle being put on by her fellow Diamonds, White leaned in, looming over the pair of them in a way she probably didn’t mean to be menacing. 

“Steven, were you this… round, the last time we saw you?”

“Aha! No, I’m fine! Don’t worry about that!”

White pointed a single, perfectly painted, black fingernail at Steven’s middle and gingerly poked him.

**BANG**

Spinel watched with wide eyes as all hell broke loose. White started screaming, Blue began to wail and sob, Yellow shouted orders that no one was listening to, and Steven cried back at all of them, waving his arms around vainly as he tried to get them to calm down.

“Heh…heheheheeeeh…”

Spinel collapsed onto the floor, laughing the whole way down. They were all so **stupid**. The grand Diamond authority, the mighty Steven universe, the gem of all Gems; white Diamond, all losing their minds because a little airbag popped. 

And the funniest part? The frosted glitter sprinkles on top of this triple scoop banana split of tragic comedy? She freaking loved all four of them to pieces. They might be a pack of massive losers, but she was the biggest dumbest loser who loved them with all her gem.

Her side-splitting laughter filled the whole room, snapping the Diamonds out of their panic. Blue started to titter first, then yellow broke into her deep belly laughs and finally White broke down, even as she tried to muffle her undignified giggles behind her hands.

Steven stopped to catch his breath. He sighed a big heavy sigh and unzipped his jacket, letting the remaining blue and yellow balloons fall to the floor. 

“Alright, you guys caught us fair and square.” 

Blue pinched the yellow one between two fingers and held it up close to her face.

“Oh... OH! Oh, my! Yellow! Yellow look!”

Yellow picked the blue one up and squinted at it. “This is just disgraceful. It’s both slanderous and inaccurate.”

“Don’t be a party pooper Yellow. Or I’ll ask Steven to give you a frowny face on the next one.” 

“You wouldn’t dare!”

Steven grabbed another white one from the packet and began to blow it up. Spinel reached around and picked herself up by the scruff of her neck and tossed herself over to Steven. He winked at her and passed her the inflated balloon and a marker. Her hand moving in a blur of motion, Spinel sketched out another face. She swallowed back her giggles and approached White Diamond, bowing at the hips and holding it out to her with an extended arm.

“My Diamond, a present for you.” 

White took the balloon between her fingernails and held it up to her face. Spinel was particularly pleased with how she did the blushes, seeing she only had a black marker. 

“White that’s exactly how you look right now!” Blue exclaimed.

“She’s right! That silly face is exactly how you look!” Yellow agreed.

Both smaller Diamonds collapsed against White as they laughed themselves sick.

“Th-thank you Spinel. It’s lovely,” White replied. Her whole face starting to turn pink. “But what are these things?”

“Balloons. Steven brought them. We’re gonna have them at the party.”

“Yes, we must!” Blue agreed. “Yellow, do you think we could make more? and maybe make some bigger ones for us?”

“Of course! My peridots… I mean, the peridots I employ of their own free will, could figure it out with their limb-enhancers tied behind their backs.”

“We’ll take these then,” Blue insisted.

“-for analysis of course,” Yellow added.

Steven looked over his shoulder at Spinel and rolled his eyes. She rolled hers back, going around two times just to show off.

It was all downright family-like, them teaming up to tease the Diamonds, covering for secret jokes and commiserating about their many eccentricities. 

All this time, Spinel had been worried about losing her place if Steven decided he didn’t want to live on earth anymore, but it wasn’t like that at all. She and Steven fit together like broken puzzle pieces, rough edges that were never meant to meet lining up perfectly regardless.

Or that’s how it could have been if she hadn’t already ruined her chance at a real relationship with him.

Any time now, this moment would end, and Steven would be back to walking on eggshells around her. Keeping one eye open just in case crazy ol’ Spinel snapped and went for his throat. 

If she’d only listened. If she’d just taken a single moment to think things through. If she’d only tried to kill him once, instead of six or seven times.

Maybe then they could have had this for real. Maybe he’d have come to Homeworld just to see her, and not because he had overcommitted and was trying to save face.

Maybe he’d have eventually loved her back. If she gave him enough time. 

A deep ache spread through Spinel’s chest echoing out from her gem. She needed to return to the moment. She’d been having fun a just a second ago. She wanted to be back there, not stuck in her head with all the sharp things she used to torture herself. 

Spinel tried to let it pass. They were just evil thoughts. They couldn’t hurt her if she didn’t let them.

Then Spinel’s gaze landed on the heart-shaped balloon Steven had given her. It had drifted into a corner and had been completely forgotten in the chaos of the last few minutes.

* * *

Steven noticed the changes settling over Spinel. He saw how she made herself physically small, how her posture slumped as if every spark of her boundless energy had left her body, how her sparkly magenta eyes clouded over, how the lines on her cheeks dominated her face, and how the loose strands from her pigtails frizzed up like the bristled fur on the back of a terrified cat.

The Diamonds looked like they were going to leave soon. Once they were gone, he could talk to her. He’d been so focused on the party he’d forgotten to check in on her like he usually did. He couldn’t make everything better, no one could, but sitting down with her and listening always seemed to help. 

The ground underneath Steven’s feet jolted. At first, he thought White diamond had stood up, then he noticed that the pink room had suddenly gotten smaller by precisely a third. The replica of his old bedroom the Pebbles had made him had folded out from the wall, and the tiny gems were hammering away at the support points to finish locking it in place. 

“Whoa, Pebbles!” Steven called, waving his arms over his head to get their attention. “It’s okay, you don’t need to get my room out! I’m not sleeping over.”

An icy chill shot down his spine as Steven felt four pairs of eyes in rapidly increasing sizes boreing into the back of his neck.

“Yuh aren’t?”

“You’re not?”

“You won’t be?”

“But Steven…”

Steven thought he might still have a sliver of a chance at escape if he just didn’t turn around and face everyone’s disappointment, but even the Pebbles were giving him sorrowful looks.

Steven's shoulders slumped as he sighed. “Never mind. I’m sleeping over.”

“Yaaaaaaaaay!”

Steven spun around and caught Spinel just before she made an impact. He swung her around to redirect her momentum, so she didn’t bowl him over. She was smiling now, but Steven was still concerned about what he’d seen a moment ago. He gently put her down, giving her shoulder a tight squeeze just before letting go. He took a few small steps towards the doorway, backing out of the room with the kind of care you’d expect if it were full of hungry lions.

“But, if I’m staying, I need a few minutes to get my toothbrush and stuff. I’ll be right back.”

That last bit he directed toward Spinel, but she had bounced away and was pretending to be busy watering the plants she kept near the balcony. 

Steven paused on the threshold of Pink’s room and took another deep, calming breath. 

“Alright, here I go! Off on my **five-minute walk** to the **warp pad** that goes directly to **my house**. It’s literally only a hallway away from this bed to my bed at home! If anyone ever needed me, they could visit whenever they wanted! All without having to guilt trip me at all.” 

“We’ll be here when you get back!” White called after him. “We love you!”


	2. The Things She Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few things. Thanks a lot for all the comments. I’m trying my best to get back to you all, but sometimes when in the zone for writing I can't stick my head back up for air without risking losing my focus. 
> 
> Second, a huge thanks to [Stevnelgang](https://stevnelgang.tumblr.com/post/187756383766/only-after-id-saved-everything-did-i-remember) for the fanart from chapter one. I just noticed the little hearts in all the balloons and I died of adorable a second time. 
> 
> Third, this chapter has a lot more unresolved sexual tension than the first. A whole lot more. If that’s something that would bother you, I’d skip it. 
> 
> If you want to read the fic please jump to it. I’m going to use the rest of this note to ramble. It won’t contain anything you need to read to enjoy the story. 
> 
> -  
Okay so. It’s been a heck of a week for me. I thought this chapter was done 4 days ago when it was only about half as long, but as I worked on it more and more began to unravel. A tossed a lot out and had to change lots and some parts im still not convinced were a good idea. It was wonderful and frustrating and tbh I cried, multiple times, and like, really? That’s not a thing I do. I can usually detach myself from the characters but this time it was almost impossible. 
> 
> Sitting here now I wonder if that core is still in there, but that’s the heck of it being my story. I’ve seen it at all the stages, so my perspective is going to be skewed. Still, when you put your all into a thing it must shine through somewhere right? 
> 
> Also, quick feelings talk? When I first started working on this, I was dreading getting involved. I was convinced I needed to just write my thing to get it through my system, but now I can see I was wrong about that. This is fun, and I’m having fun. It’s been a few since I could honestly say that I’ve had fun in a fandom outside of my close friends. 
> 
> So, thanks. I think I’m going to try a few more things now. Even things I’m not sure if I’ll be good at. Cuz, yeah, this is fun.

**Chapter 2: The Things She Left Behind**

Steven slid the stone dresser drawer closed, it glided gently on its bearings despite the enormous weight. The pebbles were absolute miracle workers, despite only having access to two kinds of raw materials, pink hard and pink soft.

They'd even managed to cobble together a bathroom for him thanks in part to the surprising presence of plumbing in the palace and the pre-established bathing culture for Diamonds. It seemed like a bizarre coincidence at first, until he'd learned that water was one of the best conductors of Diamond… something-ness that healed corruption and was the most important ingredient in the creation of new gems.

He jumped off the edge of the raised platform and floated down to the floor, landing beside Spinel. She was laying on her tummy, chin resting on her folded arms as she whispered to a few pebbles.

"Uh-huh. Yup. Yeah, I got it. Just leave it up to your ol' best friend, Spinel."

The pebbles seemed satisfied by that. They jumped back down through a crack in the floor, closing it behind them.

"Hey, Spinel. I'm sorry about crowding in on your space like this. I meant to figure out if my stuff could be moved to a different room, but I never got around to it."

"Awww, it's okay. This place is huge!" Spinel reminded him, rolling onto her back and gesturing up at the vast area above their heads "There's plenty of space for both of us."

"That's true, but I also want you to feel like this is your room. I know it never felt like mine."

Steven wandered over to the potted plants on the balcony. He recognised a few. There were Hyacinths, primrose, camellia, Lilly of the valley, and even a small cherry tree shrub. There were also a few that were clearly alien. Including a massive pink bulb with a glittery pistil and some heart-shaped berries that grew on a thorny vine.

"Looks like you solved that soil issue," he called over his shoulder.

Spinel pushed herself up, joining him on the balcony.

"Yup. Turns out going to Homewold's surface and scooping some up was a horrible idea."

"I've seen a few flowers growing in the alpha kindergarten back on earth, but for the most part, yeah. Dirt used to make gems is not good for plants anymore."

Steven leaned in to smell the primroses. He made a mental note to add some to the pots in his diamond base. He had a ‘not really a rose' theme to keep going.

"It's kinda neat, though. That gems and flowers need the same things to grow. Humans too, if you put the plants in as an intermediate step." Steven smiled over his shoulder at her. "Also, I don't think I ever mentioned this, but it's great to see how much you love gardening.”

Spinel's pigtails fluffed up like the tail on a dog that had just gotten their head pat.

"Cha’ well, plants are easy. You just give them water and sunshine, and they're happy as clams."

Spinel picked up her watering can again and busied herself by very slowly watering some pots that Steven could see had already had plenty.

"At least they need me around..." Spinel murmured under her breath.

Steven wondered if she had meant for him to hear that last bit.

"That reminds me. Spinel… is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Uh. No. Of course not. If I wanted to tuh talk about something, then I wudda already done it, duh."

"Mmmmm, sure." Steven furrowed his eyebrows and squinted at her. "Even Pearl is better at lying than that."

That got a reaction. Spinel shuddered, gaining almost a foot in height as her body shifted with her mood. She dropped the watering can. It clattered to the floor, spilling water all over the balcony.

Maybe jumping straight to calling her out had been a mistake, but Steven had run out of patience for having his concerns brushed aside around about the same time he stopped thinking of his mother as ‘Rose'.

The really frustrating thing was that Spinel was usually pretty open with her feelings, even if that meant screaming them at him at the top of her lungs. He didn't like any part of this fake smile routine. It left a bad taste in his mouth like zero-calorie artificial sugar.

"Oh whoops, clumsy me!" Spinel sing-songed. Stretching out her arm to set the watering can back on its base. She was smiling, but nothing about her posture had changed. Steven judged it was probably about a 4 out of 10 on the Spinel anxiety scale. 0 was purely mythical, and 10 was ‘has recently committed a murder'. She would probably be okay if she had some time to decompress before something else happened.

"Alright, but If you think of anything, don't forget that I'm here to listen."

Spinel pulled her arm back, and just for a moment, her fake smile faltered. Steven's heart leapt in his chest. One more chip in the armour. One more flash of hope in the dark. Moments like that were why he had never given up on trying to convince her to change. Even after his first attempt had fallen through and with his whole planet on the line.

_‘Go ahead and put up all the walls you like Spinel. I'll just keep knocking them right back down. Unless you tell me to stop, of course.'_

Then the mask was on again. Maybe he should tell her that a real smile involved more than just the lips? Probably not. He'd save that for when she was feeling better. Don't push too hard and don't push too little. Point to the problem and encourage her to work on it.

Steven did feel a little guilty that he was enjoying helping her so much. In a perfect world, Spinel wouldn't have ever been hurt, and no one would ever have to suffer like that. But this world wasn't perfect, he wasn't perfect, and his mother definitely wasn't perfect. So, for now, he'd keep handing her pieces and glue and watch her work her not-perfect self until she saw someone she loved in the mirror every morning like he did.

And then, once she'd learned how to love herself, she'd finally see why he loved her too and why he wanted her to be **his.**

Steven's wistful train of thought jumped the tracks and roared screeching into the ditch.

To be his friend. His friend for real. That's what he meant.

Except that thought didn't make him feel all gooey and tingly inside like the first version had.

"Ackshully there is something I was supposed to ask," Spinel said. Coincidentally accomplishing one of her primary functions by distracting him from whatever was going on in his head right now. "I was talking to a few of the pebbles a minute ago, and they wanted to know if you would consider making another baby pebble?"

"They want me to make one?" Steven asked, pointing at his chest.

"Must be," Spinel said, giving him a shrug. "I don't see anyune else around here wit' the power to make Gems," She touched her thumb and fingers together on both hands and held them up over her eyes, pushing them through to create a set of binoculars.

She pointed them in every direction, including down and straight up at the sky, then pulled her hands and eyes back.

"Nope. Looks like Just you." Smile, wink, big finger point. "Feeling up to it?"

Steven grabbed a fistful of his shirt, inadvertently pulling it up enough to partially expose his gem. The creation of new Gems and new Gem types in Era 3 was still a touchy subject for him. He'd heard some of the worst things ever said about himself as a direct result of defending his hard-line stance to halt all Gem production until they found an alternative source of nutrients and minerals.

There were so many tough questions. How many gems should there be? Should they try to replace the few who got shattered in accidents? Or let the numbers dwindle gradually? What about Gems lost just before galactic peace had been sustained?

Steven had to put things in perspective. He didn't need to solve all the lingering existential issues of Gem-kind right now. It was just one pebble. He'd made the first one totally by accident. They were the only Gems that just needed what was already in the stone they were created from.

He relaxed his shoulders and his fingers.

"Yeah. I can do that."

Steven wondered why the pebbles didn't ask him themselves. Though he supposed they knew Spinel better then they knew him, and maybe it was rude to outright ask a Diamond to make more of you.

"We'll need to go to mom's laboratory."

"P-pink's lab? That still exists?" Spinel asked, her eyes widening.

"Yeah," Steven confirmed as he walked back in through the curtains. He squinted at the walls trying to remember what edge of the hexagon was hiding the secret passageway. "Blue and Yellow couldn't bring themselves to touch any of her stuff after she faked her shattering," He waved a hand dismissively, it had to be here someplace.

"So, all her junk just stayed wherever she left it."

Steven regretted his choice of words the moment he heard himself say them. He'd been thinking about things like the walled-off landfill in the desert or the abandoned diamond base on the moon, not…

He turned back to her and did a quick pigtail check. They were hanging straight down behind her shoulders as if they were being affected by gravity for once. She stared down at an empty part of the floor just past the curtains, both arms crossed tightly over her chest. She was clearly only one step away from collapsing into a puddle of devastated spaghetti.

Steven's chest tightened up. He felt like he had just kicked a puppy.

"Spinel, I'm **so** sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

She sniffled and shook her head. "No… yur j'st tellen the truth. Pink left a big ‘ole mess all over the place. Just dropped it all and nevuh thought about any of it again."

Spinel rubbed her eyes and came over to him. She wrapped herself around his arm the way she had when her memories had been reset, only tighter. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Go on. I wanna see dis lab of hers. I hardly remembuh it."

Steven nodded and led her over to the wall just to the right of the balcony, following the tug of a half-forgotten memory. He slid his hand along the wall, searching for the hidden panel. He struggled to find it at first until he remembered that last time, he'd had vastly different proportions.

He bent over, working his way down until he hit the right spot and a small panel in the wall popped open. If he stood back up again, the opening would hardly have made it past his gem. If he remembered right, that spot used to be at chin level.

"Oh, come on, I wasn't really that short, was I?"

It seemed unlikely the pebbles would have rearranged that part of the room though. Steven sighed and thrust his hand into the opening, reaching around for the second hidden switch. Spinel kept her hold on him, unphased by any movements he was making.

The second switch clicked as he pressed it, the pink diamond icon flashing. Steven stepped back as the wall broke into three large panels, soundlessly shifting to reveal an opening. The room beyond was so massive that focusing on anywhere but right ahead for too long gave him a sickening sense of vertigo. An enormous pillar of dark pink stone bisected the space, holding up a roof that was shrouded in darkness.

Steven swallowed and took the first uneasy step onto the floating walkway. Spinel lifted her head up, and Steven could feel her trying to look in five different directions at once. He kept his focus on the path ahead of them, guiding her along with him so she wouldn't stop or stray. All around them, vast staircases shifted, carrying no one from nowhere and back again.

There had to be millions of secrets hiding here, but Steven wasn't interested in digging them up. Pink Diamond had lived for several millennia before leaving Homeworld, and even if he dedicated his whole lifetime, he probably wouldn't discover all the things she left behind.

Besides. He'd already found the most important one.

The path ended with another familiar sight. To Steven, it had always looked more like a vanity table than a workbench or an experiment station. The legs were thin and sharp, and the ottoman had distinct triangle patterns in its base.

Steven was tall enough to climb up onto the seat, but he couldn't see from there, even when standing up. He grabbed Spinel around the middle and kicked off from the ground. He carried her up to the table, landing so softly none of the objects strewn about on it rattled.

"This is really it…" Spinel murmured as Steven set her down. She walked from one side of the table to the other, then back again. "It all happened right here."

The mirror was the size of a whole football field, extending up and up, above their heads. A tiny spiral staircase, just wide enough for the pebbles, wrapped around the topmost part.

Steven sat down beside the bowl of small grey rocks and shifted his hand through them. They felt utterly ordinary, aside from being carefully washed and scrubbed free of dirt.

"Alright. We're here. What do I do?" Steven asked.

"How should I know?" Spinel asked. "Yur' da Diamond. Do Diamond things."

Steven rolled his eyes and plopped his chin into his hand.

"Half-Diamond, thanks. And you're the Gem. Don't you know how Gems are made?"

"Duh, of course I do. You just take the goopy stuff-" Spinel mimed holding a bottle. "-mix in some diamond stuff-" she smashed her hands together "then stick it in the ground" bending over and thrusting her arms out "and pop goes the weasel!" little jump, arms up hands over her head.

Steven wondered if he should clap. Apparently, it was possible to be adorable and sarcastic at the same time, you just also had to be Spinel.

"Well, we don't have goopy stuff, so I guess we'll just ‘do Diamond things’ and hope for the best."

Steven leaned over the bowl. He had always had a hunch about how the pebbles were made. This was one of the few places where Blue and Yellow could never find Pink. A place where she could show her genuine emotions without being shamed or scolded.

Where she came to cry.

Steven closed his eyes. Focusing on the saddest thing he could possibly imagine.

The silence lasted for a good thirty seconds before a gloved fingertip poked Steven's cheek.

"What're ya doing?"

"I'm thinking about snakes."

Spinel sat down beside him and crossed her legs into a butterfly knot.

"Snakes? Are those like octopus?"

"No. Not at all. They're like lizards... but they don't…" Steven's voice cracked. It was working. He forced himself to go on. "They don't have any…" he felt the sting at the corner of his eyes. "…arms."

Two matching tears slid down his cheeks, he gathered them up on his thumb and gently pressed the wet against one of the pebbles. He held his breath and… nothing happened.

"Ugh. Why won't that ever work when I'm trying?"

"uh, Steven? Are you feeling okay?" Spinel asked, looking at him with evident concern.

"Don't worry, I've got a plan B," Steven insisted. He planted both hands in front of him, stuck his legs out behind, and pushed away from the table. He counted to twenty in his head. Spinel hugged her knotted legs to her chest as she watched him, her eyes bouncing with his motions.

After he finished twenty push-ups, Steven stood up and started doing jumping jacks.

"Are we playing a game?" Spinel asked, tilting her head to the side. "Should I be doing something? Who's winning?"

"No. I'm just trying to build up a sweat."

Steven pressed a hand to his forehead. He was a little warmer than he had been but not much more. It was probably the super strength. He'd need some comically large dumbbells to make this work. He could ask Spinel, but he was afraid she might actually make it happen.

"Alright… plan C then," he conceded. He grabbed the pebble he had been working on and held it up near his face, cradling it between his palms.

"Sorry, this might get a little gross," he explained. "I have no idea why it's like this. It's just what I need to do." He fixed his eyes back on the pebble. Not wanting to dwell on the fact Spinel was watching him.

He wiggled his tongue around in his mouth, trying to build up his saliva. Once he had at least a teaspoon, he pursed his lips and spat it into his cupped hands.

A bright flash of pink light forced Steven to close his eyes. He felt the pebble in his hands start to grow and change. A tiny hand wrapped partially around his ring finger. The light dimmed, and he stared down opened-mouthed at the tiny lifeform he'd just created. She was not much taller than his pinky finger and had the biggest, sweetest eyes he'd ever seen.

Spinel bounced up and grabbed his shoulder, leaning over it to see.

"Ahhh! Oh my god, Spinel! I did it! I…"

Steven had never felt anything quite like this before. He'd brought things to life, like the watermelon Stevens, and pumpkin, and another pebble by accident, but he'd been too young to realize and too distracted by everything else going on around him.

This time he had set out to create a brand-new Gem and now here he was holding her in his hands. With luck, she would live for thousands of years, maybe even millions. She'd love, learn, work, play, and grow. She'd have an experience just as unique and precious as she was.

"You… you need a name…" Steven whispered. His throat felt tight, and his vision was clouding over with happy tears. "Spinel, any ideas?"

Steven had this overpowering urge to include her in this. This moment, this new life. His chest ached as if his heart was on the verge of overflowing.

"You mean beside's just pebble?" She asked.

Steven nodded fervently. It wasn't second nature to Gems like it was for humans, but he hoped she understood. Spinel twisted her arms around him again. Steven welcomed the touch. He needed it right now. He needed her.

Spinel pursed her lips. It seemed like she was thinking hard about it.

"Wuddabout… Minnie? Cuz she's so small."

Steven smiled so fully, his lips hurt. "it's perfect! I love it!"

"How does Minnie sound?" He asked, holding the pebble up at eye level. She nodded her head vigorously in agreement.

"Then it's settled. Welcome to the world, Minnie. I promise that I'll do everything I can to make it a place where you can be happy."

Steven carefully kissed her tiny head, and Minnie hugged his chin back.

When he straightened up, Steven saw their reflections in the mirror. Spinel's eyes were wide as dinner plates and sparkling, just like his.

"Coooeee!"

Steven looked up at the call and spotted the rest of the pebbles crowding together on the staircase that wound up the mirror.

"Guys! Guys! Look! I did it! I really did it!"

Steven held Minnie up over his head, but he wasn't nearly tall enough to reach.

"Spinel!"

She offered up her hand before Steven could finish saying her name. He gently placed Minnie into her palm and Spinel extended her arm straight up like an elevator, stopping right on level with the corner landing on the stairs.

Minnie stepped off and was immediately surrounded by the other pebbles. They cooed and fussed over her while Noggin, a pebble whose gem looked like a tidy bun, helped her into a sunshine yellow dress. Steven felt so overwhelmed, all he could think to do was wrap his arms around Spinel and hug her so tightly he lifted her right off the table. She must have pulled back her arm because the next thing Steven felt was both wrapping around his body. It was like being hugged by a boa constrictor, a really long boa constrictor.

It made him feel a little guilty since he could see it being listed as one of her features in a store catalogue, but her hugs were nothing short of spectacular. He'd not really been able to enjoy them when they'd first met. Not with the ticking time bomb and the uncomfortable feeling of knowing Spinel wasn't all there with her memories gone.

This time he was going to soak up every second of it, cradle her form and be here with her.

When they parted ways, Steven was breathing heavily, and his heart was pounding against his rib cage. He was pretty sure it was just a side effect of his excitement, but he couldn't completely ignore that there was something about what he was feeling now that had changed when he pressed his body tightly against hers.

"Spinel. This was a great idea. I couldn't have done it without you."

She looked up at him, and suddenly her smile twisted into a grimace.

"Ha…haha… G-good one."

Seven's heart slid all the way down into the pit of his stomach as her pained laugh hit him.

"Yuh… Your kidding aren't you? Ha. Ya alllllmost got me."

He licked his lips and swallowed. This wasn't a good time to get frustrated, even if he really wanted to grab Spinel and scream ‘Just let me love you, you beautiful Gem!'

Steven placed his hands on her puffy shoulder pads and stared her right in the eyes, drawing on every scrap of authority he had inherited from his Diamond side.

"I'm not kidding."

Spinel stopped laughing. Paradoxically, that seemed like a good sign.

"But... but… I didn't do anythin'. I just sat there and watched."

"You gave me exactly what I needed."

Steven pulled himself up to his full height, putting gravity in his tone so she couldn't misinterpret his words.

"Spinel, thank you for being here with me and for picking out a name for Minnie. She really liked it."

Spinel stood there. Looking so stunned you'd think he'd just told her that Homeword was flat.

"O-oh. Yur… You're welcome." She replied, so quietly that Steven read her lips more then he heard it.

Steven took a deep breath, his shoulders slumping as he relaxed.

_‘There you go. The awful voices in your head are loud, but I can be louder.'_

"Come on, let's get out of here. This place seriously gives me the creeps."

He gave her shoulders one last tight squeeze, then jumped off the vanity table, stopping to bounce on the ottoman then land by one of the table legs.

"Uh, Steven? What was that thing you did, anyway? I maybe-kinda looked away for a second, aaaaand suddenly it was over."

Steven turned back to her and frowned. How to explain it…

"Do you remember how I started healing the earth right before you left?"

"Eyah," Spinel replied as she jumped down to meet him.

"That worked because my spit has special powers. I can heal plants and humans, fix cracked gems, and I just found out it can also make new ones."

"And that all comes from… here?" Spinel pointed at his lips, and Steven nodded.

"Yeah, Saliva. Gems need it to talk, but humans also use it to break down food, and it also helps us swall-**Mhhmm!**"

Steven had to hand it to Spinel. There might be gems out there with faster reflexes, but none of them could strike with as little warning. He assumed it was part of being a ‘master of surprise'. Right now, the surprise was that her middle and pointer fingers were in his mouth.

Steven appreciated gems being curious about the species that made up his other half, but he hadn't exactly offered a practical demonstration. He held his hand up, intending to grab her wrist and gently, but firmly, stop her. Then Spinel took a step closer, shifting from about his size to being half a foot taller.

He could still push her off. He outclassed her in raw strength when his powers were working, and she didn't have the element of surprise… but suddenly Steven didn't want to anymore. He tilted his head back, meeting the intensely curious stare she was giving him.

_‘Please don't tell me the thing with big woman is genetic. Please, Please, Please.'_

Steven opened his mouth just a little wider. Spinel tilted her head to the side and spread her fingers out. Steven braced himself against a tiny shudder as they ran over his tongue. He could only imagine what he looked like from her perspective. Small, submitting to her curiosity, intoxicated by her presence.

Surely the mystery of where his saliva came from had to be solved by now, though? He could feel that her fingers were covered in it. Should he tell her to stop? Did he want her to stop?

It felt like some part of him that he'd never known existed had wrestled the controls away and refused to explain itself.

Except…

_‘Didn't I always know this might happen? One day I'd grow up and realize I'm constantly surrounded by gorgeous immortal alien goddess rocks. Then I'd run into one who I don't think of like a mother or a sister, and she'd make me feel all hot and weak at the knees, and then we'd make a pebble baby together, and I'd let her shove her fingers in my mouth.'_

Spinel dropped onto her heels and took her hand back. Her brows knitted together as she examined her fingers. About a year ago, Steven had noticed his saliva had a faint pink tinge to it, but if Spinel would see that on her pink fingers in a pink room was another question.

Steven's cheeks burned. He almost always had something to say just to fill the space, but every time he tried to think he'd just fall back into that heated haze.

Then Spinel shrugged and popped the fingers coated in his saliva into her mouth.

"Spinel, noooooo…" Steven whimpered, so quietly she probably couldn't hear him.

It was at times like this Steven wished he could poof. He could just die of embarrassment and hide from everyone in his gem until the inevitable heat-death of the universe.

Spinel's pigtails perked up and her irises and pupils expanded almost entirely, taking over her eyes.

"Sp-spinel?"

And then the worst thing that could have possibly happened, happened.

Spinel closed her eyes and moaned in pleasure.

"What?! What is it?!" Steven yelled. Crap. He was losing it. He was absolutely losing it. "What?! What is it doing to you?" that last part was quieter and a lot huskier.

Spinel slowly pulled her fingers out of her mouth and… Oh God, she was licking them clean.

"Heh… it's all… tingly…" Spinel crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself. "It… it feels like it's going right to my gem." She slid a hand down from her shoulder and put it over her heart. Steven glanced down and, sure enough, the perfectly cut stone at the centre of her being was shimmering.

"But! But! Why would it do that? You aren't hurt, right?"

Steven knew he could heal emotional pain, but that usually only involved his saliva in the ‘need it to talk' way. Plus, this wasn't fixing something, it was affecting her, somehow.

"He-hehehe… Dimond spit… mmmhhhehehe… Steven… Steven’s spit…heh," Spinel bent over snickering. Steven had heard her laugh be bone-chilling, heart-wrenching, mind-numbingly adorable, and forcefully hopeful, but this version sent his blood rushing away from his brain towards much lower body parts.

Should he get closer? Back away? Run? That last one was going to be considerably harder in a moment.

His whole life, Steven had basically been a poster child for good behaviour. He always said please and thank you; he didn't smoke or drink, he said no to drugs, looked both ways when crossing the street and (almost) never swore.

Today he was going to have to make an exception to that last one.

**"Fuck."**

Spinel took a step towards him, or maybe he did? They were closer now for sure. She moved to hold his face in her hands, and he found his arms settling perfectly into the curve of her waist.

"Steven?"

His hands were trembling, even though he had them pressed tight against her lower back. Her gentle smile was just wide enough that her rightmost fang pressed against her bottom lip. There was a lighter shade of pink on her cheeks, signaling a shift in her hue. She was ruthless desire, unchained and pure. She was the chaos that gave shape to the universe.

There wasn't a cell in his body or a glint of light in his form that didn't crave her. A misunderstanding, a twist, and now dominos he didn't remember setting up were raining down all around them.

No one had told him it could be like this. This kind of love was supposed to be blushes and soft kisses, not a raging inferno consuming everything in its path.

"Spinel..."

Her name on his lips. Like he was born to say it. Of course not. Of course, not… but maybe.

Then he saw it. A small detail leaping out from the masterpiece that was her form pressed against him. There were little hearts in her eyes. Hearts to match the stars in his.

Lips. Tongues. Floor. Spinel's weight on top of him. She's so light, her body made of light. Sharp teeth. Fangs in her smile. Scary. Sexy. He tested them against his tongue. A shiver ran through all of him. Gentle with the sharp.

She moans into his mouth. She tastes so good. It's not really a taste, but the connection runs true. She's a mouth full of cotton candy. Sweet, sweet, sweet, and melting in his mouth. Her chest is pressed against his. Hard gemstone, everything else is soft. He can feel it warm against his skin, through his shirt. Star. Star and heart. His gem pointed to the inside. Part of him, the core of him. Glimmering, shimmering, filled with light, full of love. Love for her.

Silky hair between his fingers. Closer, pull her closer. She's taking over. Don't fight, don't fight. You can't win. You don't want to. She's too flexible. So flexible. Relax. Trust. Your turn to trust. Feels right. Perfect. But... lips sting... chest hurts? Breath. I have to breath. She doesn't.

Steven found her arm. Maybe an arm? He had no way of knowing and it probably didn't matter. There was nowhere for him to go. He was tangled in with her so tightly he couldn't tell where he ended, and she began. He squeezed her limb, hoping it was enough to notice. Hoping she would figure it out. Trusting.

Their lips parted with a soft smack. Steven opened his eyes, but all he could see was pink blurs. He gasped and panted, making his chest hurt worse. He knew he'd be fine in a moment, but she'd worry. He knew she would.

_‘Sorry spinel. Still half-human. We brake easy.'_

She untangled herself completely, the moving blob was probably her. He tried to give her a signal, a thumbs up, anything! But apparently kissing her had turned his own limbs to rubber and he had no idea how to use them like she did.

She was backing away. Growing bigger, freakign out. Another blob was right behind her. She crashed into it, and the other pink blob jerked.

**Smash. Clatter. Clink, Clink, Clink.**

Deep breaths. Need to recover. Steven blinked over and over, his vision clearing more every time. As soon as he could, he forced himself up.

Steven could see now, but he couldn't see her. Or hear her. There were no screams of joy that he wasn't dead or laugher at the silly mess they had made. Where was she? She can't have gone far. He could still feel her warmth on his lips. Steven pulled in another breath to shout for her, but he looked over his shoulder first.

Spinel kneeled beside the vanity, surrounded by shards of white-tinted glass.

Steven gathered himself together, getting to his feet slowly to ensure it was a one-way trip. He had a feeling. An awful, sinking feeling. They shouldn't have been doing this here. Maybe not anywhere, he'd worry about that later, but absolutely not here.

The shards were everywhere, shifting in and out of view depending on what angle you looked at them, and… here he was in his beach-casual flip flops.

Spinel didn't look hurt, but she was frozen as still as a statue. she held two almost-identical objects in each hand. Square pieces of flat metal with pins in the corners to help line up the two halves.

It reminded Steven of his cookie-cat popsicle making tray. It also had two sides that came apart and a hole at the top to pour the juice in.

It had to be a casting mould, but why had it been hidden under a glass dome on Pink Diamond’s experiment table?

Spinel held them both up, side by side. Revealing both halves of the heart-shaped indent. She slowly turned the one in her right-hand upside down. 

Steven pulled a breath, but there was nothing he could say. His mouth was dry, and his tongue stuck in place, even after they had just... No, he couldn't think about that right now.

Spinel held the upside-down half up to her chest. The empty space lining up with her gem.

"Why?"

The word was barely a whisper, but after the uncanny silence, it rang in Steven's ears like a gunshot. Spinel put both haves back down on the floor. Every bit of her, from her pointed toes to the tips of her pigtails, was trembling violently.

"Why did she keep it? Why here? Tucked away. All safe n’ sound like she... like she...."

Steven winced at the pain in her voice, but he had a feeling the best thing he could do right now was keep his distance. 

_‘Go on. Let it out. I'll be waiting for you on the other side.'_

Spinel shifted, her proportions falling completely out of sync. Her curled fists doubled in size, her shoulders pointed entirely backwards, and her arms and legs extended until they folded in on themselves.

"How come after all **this. TIME!** After I finally realized that you **NEVER EVER EVER** cared about me. Now! **Noooooooowwwww**! A worthless piece of** garbage** like this shows up!"

Spinel's furious screams echoed around the empty chamber, her volume rising and falling with the breakneck twists her emotions were facing.

"Was it all just one big joke? It was! **Wasn't it?! A SICK JOKE!** Did you make me just to see if I'd be **stupid** enough to fall for it!?** Stupid** enough to care!** Stupid enough to love you!**

Spinel reeled back in several directions at once and slammed her fist into the ground, leaving a small crater in the rock platform.

"Are you laughing **now**, Pink?! Is this what you really think is **funny?!**"

She lashed out again. Another crater, more flying fragments of dusty stone. Steven flashed up his shield, holding it over his head to protect himself from the rain of debris.

"Since the moment I formed, all I **EVER** wanted to do was make you **happy**. I did everything you asked. I became whatever you wanted! But it was still **NEVER EVER** good enough! Never ever, **ever, EVER!**"

Spinel's eyes narrowed to tiny pinpricks as she focused in on the heart mould. She reeled back, spinning her fist around and around like a shotput, building up momentum. Steven closed his eyes and braced himself.

But the Impact never landed.

When he opened his eyes, Spinel was curled up on the floor in a tight ball. Her arms covering her head. The mould still in two whole pieces next to her. A heart split down the middle.

Steven leapt over to her. His feet only barely grazing the floor as he set himself down on his knees beside her. Her rapid floor renovation had also made quick work of clearing away the broken glass.

"A joke. Just one big joke, just a…"

Whatever Spinel was going to say next was lost underneath a shuttering, full-body sob. Steven rested a hand on her back, and she uncurled just a little, lifting her face from her knees.

"Is... is that really… is that... is that..." she stammered.

"Is that all I'm here for," Steven finished, his voice syncing up with hers.

Spinel gasped and snapped up. Her shoulders hunched forward like an animal caught between fright or flight. Steven sighed deeply and gave her a small, knowing smile.

"Jinx," he murmured. He ran his thumb along her right cheek, brushing away the tears.

The remnants of Spinel's anger drained away like the last gasp of air leaving a deflating balloon.

Steven went in for a hug, but Spinel slipped between his fingers and flopped listlessly onto his lap instead. She coiled her arms around his hips and planted her face right into his lap. It was a little awkward, but Steven figured he'd just muddle through. He placed his hand on her head and stroked her hair all the way down to her drooping pigtails.

"Would you like to hear a story, Spinel?" he asked.

A long silence met his question. Then a muffled "Mmmkay."

"Do you promise not to destroy the earth if you don't like the ending?"

He felt her hair bristle against his hand, going from silky smooth to rough straw.

"Okay, Fair. That was too far, wasn't it?" he admitted, petting her over and over to apologise until she settled back down.

"Once upon a time, not that long ago, there was a little boy named Steven…"

Spinel lifted her head and scowled up at him from his lap.

"Hold on. You haven't heard this version. This is the **real** story of Steven."

Spinel huffed and rolled onto her side. Which Steven deemed to be a suitable enough story-listening position.

"Where was I? Right, so, Steven lived in a little house on the beach with, Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl, three magical space-beings called gems. It was a pretty unusual family to have, but Steven hardly noticed because that was the way it'd always been. Steven had a father, named Greg, who would come to visit all the time. He was a real-life Rockstar who taught Steven how to play the ukulele. Steven thought he was the coolest person ever. Steven also had a mother, but she went away when he was born, so he never got to meet her.

When Steven was little, he was told many wonderful things about her. About how she saved the whole planet, about how she fought against overwhelming odds, about her kindness and love for all creatures, big and small. As he listened, Steven built a big marble statue of her in his imagination, and he put that statue on a pedestal. In Steven's mind, she was always smiling, completely perfect in every way. She never faltered, never made a mistake. She knew everything and had the power to do anything.

But then as he got older, Steven started to notice things that didn't make sense. Things that didn't match the marble mother he put on his pedestal. He learned how she had hurt people. Especially the ones that cared about her the most. She'd done awful things, made awful choices. Made small mistakes and huge ones. As he discovered the truth, cracks started appearing on the pedestal. Day by day they spread until eventually the weight of the statue was too much for it. The pedestal broke, and the statue smashed into a million pieces.

Steven shifted through the rubble. He knew now that the statue he’d made was almost nothing like the real her, but he thought there might be something left for him there, something that would help him understand why.

Why did she want him to exist? Why did she do the things she did? Why did she leave everyone behind? Why, why, why. Steven had so many why's they piled up on top of one another and made it impossible to breathe. He searched desperately through the things she's left behind, trying to find the missing piece that would tell him who she really was and who he was meant to be.' Why else?' he thought. 'Why would she leave all this behind If I wasn't meant to look?'"

Warm tears streamed silently down Steven's cheeks. He wasn't sad, not really. Just overflowing with sentiment. Remembering the lost little boy and the mother he’d had to bury three times. Once as his beloved hero, a second as a flawed Gem, and a third as a lost diamond.

Steven blinked to clear his eyes. Spinel was sitting up, huddled in close, watching and waiting for him to finish. Just not exactly patiently.

Steven offered his hands to her. Spinel unwound her arms from his hips and closed her fingers over his own. Steven squeezed them tightly and looked deeply into her intensely expressive eyes.

"What happened next?" Spinel prompted him.

"He never found it, because it didn't exist. There were no answers, just piles of lifeless objects, and he had to learn to live with it. The end."

The corner of Spinel's mouth twitched. Like she couldn't decide if she was going to smile or not.

"That's an **awful** story."

"I did warn you."

Steven lowered their joined hands into his lap, caressing her fingers between his own.

"I used to think it was just me who didn't know her, but in the end, I don't think anyone knew her. Not the real her. Not pearl, not Garnet, not Amethyst, not Dad, not the Diamonds, not the ‘best friend' who she left behind. Maybe Lion, but he's not much of a talker. She had so many faces. One for each person. Rose quartz, Pink Diamond. Hero, villain, shatterer, saviour, partner, abandoner. Everyone she touched was changed. For the better-"

"-or the worse…" Spinel supplied.

"-or just different."

He looked at her again, examining the tear marks on her cheeks. The faint wet ones and the permanent black ones. They were a bit like scars, a physical reminder of her pain. He hated the actions that had put them there, but he loved how stunning they were. How they highlighted the movement of her eyes and drew his attention back to them. How they framed her smile and especially… yeah, especially her pointed teeth.

"Actually, let me try that ending again," Steven decided. He cleared his throat, finding his narrator's voice.

"That little boy named Steven is all grown up now, and while he never got answers to all his questions, he did discover something about his mother that turned out to be the most important thing of all."

Spinel narrowed her eyes at him. She was a little warier this time. Understandable, since he had just dropped an emotional anvil on her head. But even if she knew it was coming, Spinel would still come to stand on his big red X, because the joke only got funnier the second time.

"What was it?"

Steven smiled and leaned in. Spinel took his lead, tilting her head to the side to let him whisper it to her.

Then Steven spoke the two words that had saved the galaxy and himself.

"She's gone."

Steven shakily got to his feet. His legs were numb from all the sitting on hard surfaces between emotional breakdowns. He should really consider bringing a folding chair with him next time he came to visit. He pulled Spinel up with him. She wasn't really looking at anything, lost in her own head.

He let go of her hands and Spinel jolted in the brief second before his fingers touched her cheeks.

‘It's okay. I'm not leaving. I just want to hold your face.'

He followed the curve of the black lines with his thumb. Gorgeous. So utterly gorgeous.

"She's gone, and so is everything she ever thought, felt, intended, or wanted. She's gone and here we are. Two things she left behind lost in an ocean of others. You stood alone for thousands of years, waiting and wishing that someday you wouldn’t be a thing she left behind. That didn't happen and now that she's gone it's never going to. But, Spinel, take it from me, one leftover thing to another. There's a light side. A big shiny one. Because another way to say, ‘she left us' is ‘we’re free'. "

Steven felt his eyes fill up again. He smiled wide, remembering the moment when his gem half had held his human half in his arms. The gem side waking up from his cold trance, remembering the joy of being himself. The human one, feeling the strength and support of the power that kept him alive.

And best of all. Both halves realizing that they were two sides of the same coin. One Steven. A Steven whose life was in his own hands.

"We're free! Isn’t that wonderful?! We can do whatever we want, be whoever we want! You’ve left the garden, and I’ve left my mother's shadow and what comes next is up to us, and no one else. She's gone. We're free."

"We're… free?"

"We're free!"

Steven couldn't help it. He scooped spinel up into his arms and twirled her around. He laughed and cried and spun her, hoping she felt what he had. The relief, the joy, the love. His heart leapt when she started laughing along with him. she sobbed and laughed and let him spin her.

He held her for a while after they stopped spinning. They clung to one another and cried and laughed.

"Pink's gone." Spinel murmured into his shoulder, muffled by the jacket. "She's gone, gone, gone, gone, goner, goner, gone, gone~!" She made a song out of it, Steven had to bite his tongue to stop himself from singing alone.

"Ding-dong, Pink's all gone! She's really, really, really, gone! She's going, going, going, gone! Where, oh, where? Oh, she's Nowhere. I know ‘cuz Steven told me so! She's gone! Gone forever! Gone fawhevuh and eva!"

"And ever, and ever, and ever," Steven agreed. He slackened his hold and moved back just a bit so he could pull his shirt up. "This is my gem now and there's only more me inside it."

Spinel looked down at his gem then back up to him. She licked her lips, her smile shifting into one that seemed like it was intended to show off her fangs.

"Y'knoow what? I've changed my mind. Pink did do one good thing. She made you."

Steven chuckled and he let his clothing fall back in place.

"Two good things. She made you too."

It happened again. One moment they were smiling at one another and the next, her lips were pressed against his. He could taste the sugar mixing with the salt from her tears. Salty and sweet. Just like her. The clashing flavours only increased the intensity of both sides.

Steven couldn't let it last. He'd made that mistake already. This wasn't the place for it, or them. This was a tomb, and they were still so alive.

Steven pulled back. Spinel's glittering eyes met his. Her mouth partly open and her tongue sticking out over her bottom lip. She was glowing along with her gem. Drifting on a cloud of bliss.

Steven was utterly dumbfounded for a moment. Sure, it had been good for him too, but Spinel looked...

Spinel's tongue slipped back behind her lips and she swallowed. Her eyes falling closed as she moaned in pure bliss.

Right. His magical spit. Fuck.

_‘That's twice in one day. I really am all grown up.'_

Time to compartmentalize. Steven couldn't do anything about **that** right now, so he put it aside and focused on what he could do.

"I'm going to leave now," Steven insisted squeezing Spinel's hand. "are you coming with me?"

Spinel blinked at him, gradually emerging from the trance she'd fallen into. The line between her iris and pupils became sharp, and she started to carry her own weight. She snort-giggled and rolled her eyes at him.

"Ehhehe~ Oh, Steeeeven. Dontcha know I'd follow you anywhere?" she purred.

Fuck.

_‘Three times.'_

"Actually, following wasn't what I was thinking."

Steven tucked one arm behind Spinel's back and the other under her knees, scooping her up effortlessly. As he cradled her in his arms, Spinel shifted her proportions. She shrunk just a little, so she fit perfectly. Beautiful and cute and funny and perfect.

Spinel. Just Spinel.

He wanted to carry her with him everywhere. Hold her close and snuggle into her like a teddy bear. Nope. Bad comparison. She wasn't a plaything. He didn't want a toy. He wanted her.

Right?

God and stars. He hoped that was what he wanted because the other option was awful.

Steven gathered up every bit of his strength and jumped. Spinel gasped and wound her arms around his chest. It didn't really matter if she held on because even White Diamond couldn't have pried her gem away from him.

The dusty room whisked past them in a blur, and Steven landed just past the threshold of the hidden doorway.

"Geezy creezy, yhur real fast when you wanna be," Spinel observed.

‘Yeah, too fast. I need to slow down before I make a huge mistake.'

Steven waited for the door to close, then bent down. He shifted spinel onto his knees so he could reach into the hole with the secret switch. He dug his fingers into the metal plating around the button and with a grunt of effort, he tore the whole thing out. Wires sparked and crackled as they were rent apart, dangling from the hunk of circuitry in his hand like severed heads on a hydra.

"Wowwie, wow, **wow!**" Spinel's voice spiked up in pitch, full of mischievous excitement.

Steven dropped the switch and put his flip-flop on top of it. A loud crack echoed around the room as the Pink Diamond shaped glass shattered under his foot.

"Steven!" Spinel mock-scolded. "That was absolutely brutal. You really hafta start working on those anga management issues."

"It's only a thing," Steven reminded her, and himself. "The pebbles will probably fix it…" (Sorry pebbles.) "But for now, neither of us can go back there."

Steven tightened his grip on her and jumped up and over to his bed. He set her down cautiously like he was placing the most valuable gem in the world back onto its display pillow. Spinel sprawled out all over the fluffy pink duvet and yawned, showing off all her teeth.

Steven couldn't help but agree. He went over to the dresser where he'd left his earth phone and checked the time. It was almost 2 in the morning back in Beach City. He'd left just after lunch so... 14 hours ago. He hadn't even been gone a day.

Spinel groaned and threw her arms up over her head, stretching the normal amount this time. She arched her shoulders back and lifted her knees up. Her legs were parted slightly like she was inviting him to...

Steven swallowed hard. He wanted to be in that bed with her so much it physically hurt. Being a half-gem had always led to plenty of awkward adolescent moments, but this had to take the cake, and the whole damn bakery to boot. It hadn't even been a day, and he'd tripped and fallen all the way from a mostly ordinary, kinda complicated, friendship-love; to this wild, ravenous, overpowering romantic love.

He put his hand on the dresser. The solid stone was plenty tough enough for him to grip it as tightly as he wanted without doing any damage.

**What was this?** Was this a Gem thing, or a human thing, or a half-gem thing, or a Diamond thing, or a Steven thing?

Chances where it was all the above.

He needed to stop running from it. He knew better than that.

‘Come on, Steven. You can't hide from yourself. We know you can't.'

It was lust. Pure, potent, deadly lust. Hijacking everything and pressing the peddle to the floor.

He was already down three. No point in not having a fourth.

He wanted to** fuck** Spinel.

The thought ripped through him. Burning, burning, burning. That was what that word was for.

He always expected he would want to try sex at some point. He liked the idea of a special thing that you did with a person you cared about a lot, it seemed like it could be fun.

This was not fun.

If this was what it was like. Suddenly a lot of things made a lot more sense. Especially when it came to Rose. She'd chose to share her form with lots of people and Gems. He'd thought it was because she loved to love, but now he could see the whole picture. Love? Yes. But also; lust.

This was part of what she had been chasing. This burning, destructive longing. Riding it through all human history. Longing, loving, losing, over and over.

Her desire was every bit as pure and devastating as her love, and like her gem and her powers, it was a part of him now.

Steven opened the drawer to look for his PJ's. A loose-fitting pastel yellow t-shirt and black flannel pants with a pattern of constellations on them.

He tried to imagine doing what Rose did. Chasing the urge wherever it went. Spinel right now, then others?

That thought triggered a visceral shock of disgust so strong Steven almost gagged. The sweet dream of her entirely tainted by the idea he would… leave her.

He didn't want that. He wanted it, wanted her, but not like that. Never like that. Sharing his body with someone and discovering them in return. He couldn't experience that and then leave. Even if that other person didn't mind. It would crush him, heart, soul, body and gem.

He needed to control this. Maybe it was like his powers? It felt overwhelming because it was brand new. It had always been like that. He got a new power that he couldn’t control, and it was up to him to figure out how it worked.

He just had to figure it out.

"Hey spinel, I'm going to have a shower real quick."

Spinel nodded and pulled down a pillow to nuzzle into.

Steven bit his bottom lip. Cold water would help, and so would a moment away from her and her… everything. He grabbed his pyjamas and hopped off the platform.

The hidden door opened with a faint whoosh when he touched the gem reader. He went inside, and it closed behind him.

Steven took several deep breaths. In and out. His fingers clutched at his shirt, wrinkling up the yellow star. If he let his mind wander, he could still taste cotton candy. Fluffy and sweet and… melting away.

He got undressed, tossing everything into a corner. The bathroom looked almost exactly like the main room, but smaller. Everything was made of pink stone except for the towels, bathmat, and the things he brought from earth. He stepped underneath a large pink archway and tapped the control panel, setting the temperature as cold as he could handle. Several showerheads hidden in the arch activated at once.

It worked a lot like Greg's carwash, but thankfully without the huge rotating bristle brushes. He could do that part himself, thanks.

He set about washing the day off. Pretending for a moment that his problems could also circle down the drain. He got used to the temperature, it was really refreshing, he should do this more often.

On second thought. He'd have to. He was still stuck on Homeworld until the ball.

Cheese and crackers. The ball. He'd forgotten about that completely. He was supposed to be here to help Spinel, not…

Steven hugged himself tightly. The showerheads must have malfunctioned then because there were suddenly warmer droplets that only seemed to land on his cheeks.

Spinel.

Two years ago, he had told her to find someone. Never thinking it could be him. She'd latched on regardless, desperate to fill the hole in her heart. But he'd been busy, distracted, terrified. Fumbling to remember how he'd ever saved anyone at all.

He didn't see what had happened until it was too late. Too much time trying to look forward, not enough watching her. She'd seen the insincerity and built it into betrayal. Lashing out at him and everyone else.

In the end, he'd still saved her and, truthfully, she'd saved him. If she hadn't come to try to destroy the earth, then he would have sunken deeper into his delusion about ‘happily ever after' and when the next threat showed up, he'd have been entirely unprepared for it.

Spinel had given him a warning shot across the bow. Strong enough to shake him but still within his ability to solve. She'd even brought her own reset button to make her point. As soon as Beach City was back in one piece, he'd rounded up the core crystal gems, and they had run drills all afternoon.

They wouldn't be rusty a second time.

But Spinel… She had always felt like the one that got away. By the time he remembered who he was and talked her down, it was already too late. Her injector exploded, rendering her powerless. Beach City lay in ruins along with her chance to do the right thing.

And then she'd walked away from him. It had bothered him at the time but looking back on it now… it hurt. It hurt a lot. She hadn't seen a future together. Not as friends, not as anything.

If he thought about it that way. The fact it was her who had awakened this fire in him made a lot more sense. Humans were like that. They want what they can't have, and wasn't it just his luck he'd meet his gem-mate the one time he was off his game?

But that had all been years ago. Two full ones. She'd changed so much since then, and so had he. If he asked, what would she say?

They had still ended up as friends. Complicated friends, but he could handle complicated. It gave him something to work for, to wish for. 

Was it hopeless? He knew **he** was hopeless, but where **they** hopeless?

If she could be his. If he could be hers. If they belonged to one another completely. If love and desire could wax and wane. If he could promise her everything. If she was prepared to do the same for him.

He pressed a hand to his chest. Picturing her gem resting over his heart. From the outside or the inside. 

That could work.

But he had no idea how to get there.

So, Steven did what he always did when his feelings begin to overwhelm him.

He sang.

Someday  
Somewhere  
Somehow

You'll be mine  
I just need to figure it out

Someday  
Somewhere  
Somehow

You'll be mine  
I just need a little more time

One day, I'll know how to treat you, better  
One day, I'll know what you need

Someday  
Somewhere  
Somehow

You'll be right here with… me


End file.
